Monday, December 29, 2008

amends

Alright, alright,
as it turns out, i've been in a bit of a bubble living in the north.
a Ukrainian friend of mine recently pointed out that my theory of Mayor Sam Sullivan's supervillan-esqe plot to kill all the homeless in Vancouver with a weather changing machine, has a fatal flaw. Sam Sullivan is no longer mayor of Vancouver.
it's too bad. i really liked the idea of having a manifestation of evil in a wheelchair.
Apperently though, on November 15th the people of Vancouver elected a new guy. Gregor Robertson. a co-founder of "Happy Planet" organic juices. i believe they have a beverage called mango peach party, which is featured at the bonanza market in dawson city.
in any case, the whole thing reeks of bad vibes. "Happy Planet" is exactly the kind of company a supervilan would own. throws people off.
it all finally makes sense. Gregor Robertson, the abilities council, and the reverse vampires are all in on this together. cancelling flights, weather changing machines, dead homeless.....
be weary of all organic juices. not just happy planet.
at the very least they contain some sort of light sedative. maybe even mind control drugs.
did i mention one of his kids is named Satchel.
i hope the kids at school call him(or her) "bag".

Friday, December 26, 2008

Fevers and Palm Trees

Nothing like a Hot Toddy and a zinc lozenge among the lush greenery and 26 degree heat of Hawaii.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Waiting on Green

now i don't want to complain or nothin'......

but seriously. when did the west coast decide it wanted a white Christmas?
don't get me wrong, i really like snow and cold. i'm pale, snow is pale, cold people are pale. we have a good arrangement. the thing is when i get bored with snow, and i want a little side affair with greener pastures, i'm gonna be disappointed when i find 15 cm of snow blanketing the only green escape we have in Canada.
not to mention because if its usually mild temperatures, the entire time i've been on my trip, i've been bitching with folks been about the weather. now i know i like my griping, but i hoped i could have a vacation from that side of things as well.
my theory is that Vancouver Mayor Sam Sullivan is behind the whole thing.
think about it.
you have here a city, famous in its own nation for being a green escape. sure it has whistler, but that's all the way the fuck north. no one sees it as being much of a winter city. you also have here by reputation, a large population of people without homes and a large number of unsavory characters on the street. but hey! isn't there a major world event coming to town pretty soon? uh-oh!
can you kill those two birds with one stone?
hell yes!
Mayor Sullivan seems to have purchased a cartoon supervillan-esque weather changing machine. i would speculate from.....i dunno, let's say North Korea.
he then picked a time where no one really minds snow (Christmas) to freeze all the homeless people, make Vancouver a wintery place in time for the winter Olympics and blame it all on climate change. oh yeah. believe it.
fuck it. i'm going to Hawaii. aloha bitches.